Sour grapes: Why don’t my dining companions praise my top-shelf wine?

I always take a top bottle of wine to dinners when I know there’ll be people there who’ll appreciate it. Trouble is, I get peeved when they don’t, preferring to big-note the one they brought. Am I being churlish?

−N.R., ALBURY, NSW

It happens – and it’s irritating. Especially when you bow and scrape appropriately to them. These people are probably not real friends of the vine, though. Those who truly appreciate wine enjoy all kinds of wine; they know when it’s good and they let their enthusiasm show. If there’s a wine they aren’t familiar with, they’re curious and interested to know more about it.

Some people’s sense of self-worth is too closely connected to what they favour. I used to see this a lot in wine competitions, where some judges would take it personally if a wine they were supporting was criticised.

There’s something annoying about people who praise their own cooking, too. A basic rule of good manners is to show your appreciation of a meal that a friend has spent their valuable time and energy preparing; it’s gauche to praise your own competence.

Those who do will probably find their guests reluctant to agree with them – out loud, at least. It’s like, “He’s already raved about his own food; there’s no point me showering praise on it.” Or more likely, “I’m not going to stroke his ego by agreeing with him.”

And it’s usually a bloke who’s at fault; women are less inclined to have a fragile culinary ego that needs constant praise. I always recall the celebrity American chef Mario Batali telling New York magazine some years back that women “don’t cook to compete; they cook to feed people”.

It’s also good manners to say nothing if the dinner, or the wine, falls short of the mark. Entire books have been written on the subject of dinner-party etiquette, but the problem, as always, is that those who would most benefit from reading such books rarely do.

Back to your question. Tact is a virtue. Say nothing, enjoy your wine and rejoice in private.

Or maybe you’re the problem. Maybe your wines aren’t up to snuff. In which case, try harder!